Sunday, November 2, 2008

Venting Anger: Part 2

I drive through our delivery area every night and see the same hookers and drug dealers working the streets. They are out there rain or shine. It could be 40 below zero and white out blizzard conditions and these fuckers are still working the street corners. Yet, the police drive by and say nothing. But, if I drive through the same area on deliveries more than twice in a one hour period, I get pulled over, yanked out of my car and treated like I'm Ted Bundy or something.

This particularly pisses me off considering that over the past 18 months several of our local law enforcement officials have been arrested for selling cocaine and other corruption charges. It was bad enough the feds sent in FBI agents to take down some of the local police people.

Furthermore, there have been a handful of women, all with arrests for solicitation, found dead and dumped in rural areas on the outskirts of the city. As far as we the public know, the police are not even close to solving these homicide cases.

Yet if I look out of place in a neighborhood while I'm simply doing my fucking job, then I get treated like a career criminal.

Venting Anger On A Thermo-Nuclear Level

Before i unleash my rage, let me explain that not all people who get free money every month are low life's. Every time I speak about free checks or Welfare, I also seem to be in the company of some hyper-sensitive asshole who goes crazy about me knocking people on welfare or disability. The fact of the matter is that those programs are in place to help people WHO DESERVE THEM and I DO NOT KNOCK EVERYONE WHO IS ON ONE OF THESE PROGRAMS. If you have a legitimate medical condition that keeps you from working, then yes public assistance programs were designed to help people like you. If you are a single parent struggling and need help until you get back on your feet, then you deserve to take advantage of these types of programs providing that you get off of the program when you can afford to take care of your household and you make an effort to do better for your household in order to get off of said program.

Now that I've said that, let me tell you what really pisses me off about disability and Welfare programs.

There are far too many people who milk these programs for thousands of dollars every year even though they have never worked a day in their life. I deliver to the housing projects for people on welfare and it pisses me off every time. For instance, the lazy bitch I delivered too tonight complained about having to pay $10 for a pizza. Yet, you look around her living room and she has new furniture, a nice high end computer system, a big screen LCD television, a $300 cell phone in her hand and she's wearing a pair of shoes that cost more than my entire outfit. She might be 22 or 23 years old, lives in a public housing apartment that my tax money paid to construct and continues to pay to maintain and she gets a free check every month from my tax money.

I get so angry at this kind of thing that it makes my blood boil. My idea of public assistance or welfare programs is that if you are on one of these programs you get just enough to get by. A safe, clean place to live, food and basic utilities. If you can afford to buy $2500 televisions and a whole living room full of new furniture, then you are either getting too much assistance or you don't need to be on welfare at all.

And there are so many of these people who are 2nd and 3rd generations welfare scrubbs who just will not make an effort to contribute to society. They just kick back and enjoy the free ride.

I wonder quite often what would happen to these people if you kicked them out on their sorry asses, took their kids and adopted them out to families that will raise them right and then just turned your back on them. I'm sure crime rates would go up, but we could take all of the money we are saving on welfare and give it to law enforcement agencies to take care of the problem.

Now on to disability benefits.

Everything seems to be a disability these days. Pretty soon anyone with a hang nail will be able to apply for disability so long as you have never worked in your entire life and have no plans to do so in the future.

My dad worked from the time he was 14 years old until he was forced to retire in 2002 because of serious complications of diabetes. He paid in to social security his entire working life. He got so bad at one point that he couldn't get out of bed and walk into the living room with out being completely exhausted. He ended up getting a lawyer and fighting. Finally after two years of court room battles he got his disability, which was merely his money that he paid in any way.

I've got a lazy piece of shit cousin who has never worked, been in and out of jail for as long as I can remember and is hooked on heroine. He gets disability now because they say he is too overweight to work and he suffers from depression problems.


Like I mentioned at the start of my rant, I don't mind helping out people who just need some support to get through a tough time in their life or are too old to work or have a legitimate health problem that keeps them from working. But, the rest of those douche bags need to start contributing or get the fuck out.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My Political Post Before The Big Election

This is the only time I am going to mention the election, so here are my thoughts.

After study both of the candidates for months and trying to be as open as I could through the process, I have come to a final determination. The Mcain/Palin ticket sucks and the Obama/Biden ticket sucks, just in a different way.

I am voting for a third party candidate. I don't care if it's a former porn star with a 700 pound shut-in for a running mate. I urge you to do the same.

Please, do not vote for Mcain or Obama.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Commanders Log: Part One

The following are a summary of the events which took place on October 12, 2008 involving Transport #28 under my command of said vessel.

At 17:45 hours I arrived at Three and a Half Star Pizza to take command of transport #28 and it's night shift duties. After a routine safety and equipment inspection I was ready to take my first run of the evening. As luck would have it, my first drop off would be a routine stop at a local crack cocaine distribution dwelling in sector eight. While the possibility of danger could be high, typically the inhabitants were quite over joyed to see me and their well done Italian subs swimming in vinegar. This evening would prove to be a typical transaction.

I navigated my ship down Lender Avenue, took a right on McGuire Boulevard, topped the hill and took a left onto Continental Drive. As I entered sector eight, I turned right onto Jackson Street and gazed upon a usual sight. A broken down single floor structure with peeling forest green paint. In the front yard lie many pieces of household furniture in poor repair and a little boy , five or possibly six years of age, trying to force a pine cone up a stray dog's rectum. A site I had seen every day for nearly three weeks.

After bringing my transport to a halt in the designated loading and or unloading zone behind the collection of soiled diapers that must have massed fifteen metric tons, I exited with the package. Not more than a split second after putting my first boot onto turf I was greeted by the loud, shrieking voice of the lady of the house.

“Hey mutha fuka, you got my shit?” she inquired as her large framed lumbered out of the rear exit of the structure, struggling hard to stay within the confines of her spandex outfit that made her appear as sixteen kilograms of fecal material compressed into a four kilogram capacity container.

“Good evening madame, your requisition has been filled and delivered in a satisfactory time frame.” I replied with a pleasant smile on my face.

“Dem god damn subs betta have extra dressin on dem or else deir gonna be some chaos up in dis bitch.” she rebutted.

“I assure you that your order has been filled to specification. We at Three and a Half Star Pizza pride ourselves on quality and customer service.” I explained.

A'ight, lets do dis shit mafuka.” she stated as she began counting pennies out of a plastic condiment bowl.

“Your invoice total is $15.97 ma'am” I explained in a friendly tone.

At this point the lady placed the pennies back into the bowl, closed the lid upon it and threw the entire collection at me. Then she abruptly yanked the sandwiches from my hand and yelled “Fifteen dolla and ninety-seben cent is sum bullsheit. Count dat shit on ya own. If ya lucky dey may be a tip fo ya.”

She then turned and walked quickly back into her home. I retrieved the container with the currency in it and returned to my transport. I then poured the coins into my collection case and threw the bowl onto the floor with the rest of the containers she had hurled at me in the past days .........

To Be Continued

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Random Questions

I happen to be a working class heterosexual white male of legal voting age. When did everything become my fault?

Why is it that every time there is something wrong with my car every dip shit who has ever seen a ratchet thinks they can tell me how to fix it and their way of fixing it is way better than anyone else's?

On that same note, why is it that there is always one asspipe who insists you do it his way because his uncle has been a mechanic for 25 years? Maybe his uncle would be a prime candidate to consult on auto repair issues, but jerking off hamsters at the local petsmart and merely being related to a mechanic does not make you a fucking master automotive technician.

What is it with people being too lazy to pronounce an entire word? Like people who say "wit" instead of "with" or people who say "dis" instead of "disrespected". Do people actually think that makes them "hip" or "cool"? To me it sends up a red flag that the individual is either too fucking stupid or too lazy to pronounce the entire word. When people come into work talking like that and wanting to fill out a job application I throw it in the trash when they are done. I don't want to work with an idiot or a lazy bastard.

Why is our society more interested in protecting some one's frail sense of being than getting the truth out into the light and doing the right thing? The Pooper incident is a prime example of this. He stole from the company. Did he get punished? No he didn't because he's an old man in his early 60's and the company didn't want to "pick on him". What a bunch of bullshit. If he'd been my age they would have fired him and then took legal action. If you do something wrong you should be punished for it regardless of you age, gender, religious beliefs, race or any of that other petty shit.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Hookers, Prostitues and Crack Whores

I work in a not so nice city. The economy around the area has been hit really hard since the recession has started. Unemployment is through the roof. Therefore, a lot of women have turned to "selling themselves" to make a living. I was delivering last night in the downtown area when I was flagged down by a hooker not four blocks from both the city police station and the county sheriff's office. I, of course, did not part take in her services. I like the company of women like most other guys, but I do not like the possibility of getting arrested or catching something that modern science is yet to identify.

Tonight I was out on delivery in a not so nice neighborhood and drove past a ran down apartment building where apparently one of the working girls had just finished with a client. She walked out the door onto the steps bare assed naked, picked up her clothes and started putting them back on and motioned me to come over and talk to her. Again, I did not partake.

My point is this, my town isn't that big. It only has about 25,000 people in it. I have noticed a large surge in violent crime, drug dependency and prostitution over the last year or so. The economy is not getting better and I feel it will get worse before it gets better, if it ever does. I think as money gets tighter and more and more women are out of work they are going to start turning to this type of "employment" more often.

The police did a big sting operation and arrested like 12 of these women about a year ago. They said in the local paper that they figured that they had 15 to 20 girls that they knew for sure were working the streets. I bet since that time, there are 3 to 4 times as many out on the streets. To make matters worse, since the city, county and state have all had major budget cuts and gas prices are through the roof, you don't see but about 20% of the police patrol that you once did.

I think my hometown is headed right down the old crapper.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

I'm Back

After a nice week of having the flu, I am back and feeling great. Not much excitement, just some freaks at work I've had to deal with.

This evening around 10:00 I answer a phone call from a guy who rips me a new ass because the manager of our other store across town will not give him a small cup of hot peppers with the sub he ordered. He is carrying on like the world is about to come to an end. After talking with him for a few minutes he wants to talk to my boss. My supervisor gets on the phone with him and basically tells him there is nothing he can do. If he is that pissed off, then he needs to call our corporate number and speak with some one there.

My diet and exercise are still working. Another five and a half pounds gone. My goal is to loose 10 pounds by Halloween, another ten by Thanksgiving and another ten by Christmas. If I keep at it I should get there just fine.

I really need to get more out of life. All I do anymore is go to work, come home and then either play world Of Warcraft or play my guitar until 5 or 6 in the morning. That's pretty much my routine. Occasionally I'll hit the weight bench for an hour or so. I just don't want life to pass me by.

Can't think of anything else to say right now. I'll try to have something worth reading tomorrow.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Venting Anger .....

Before I get into my rant about what's pissing me off this week, let me thank ariadneK, Ph.D. over at the "Weird Cake" blog for making me the blog of the week. I enjoy reading what she has to say and the publicity to my new blog is greatly appreciated.

Now to the rant .......

First and foremost, my brother calls me today on his lunch break to inform me that Pooper is not getting fired for his software theft activity. He will return to work in full capacity this coming Monday. This extremely pisses me off because it sets a bad precedent. It's like saying you can do all the nasty shit you want and not only will you be punished, but you will be rewarded. I tell you sometimes I think there really is no justice in the world and I truly believe doing the right thing doesn't mean shit anymore. I have been asked by my former supervisor if I would like to return after the first of the year if something permanent becomes available, the answer now would be "No Fucking Way!"

Next on my list, the pathetic excuse for a town that I have to work in. The people in that city make me want to puke. All of them make themselves out to be about a thousand times more intelligent than they really are, they all want something for nothing, and everyone thinks they are a "hard ass". It's only been the last five or six years that I have noticed the attitude change so drastically. It used to be that the worst you ever had to worry about was maybe getting something stolen out of your car. Now every day in the news you read about some fucked up horrific crime. They just busted a crew of Mexicans who were growing weed in the lower part of the county. something like 5000 plants they found anywhere from 8 to 10 feet high. Just a few blocks from the store I work at there was a man stabbed to death. They've had three prostitutes murdered and dumped out in remote areas. Everyday you hear about a gang related shooting or some poor woman getting beaten up, raped and then dumped off. Yesterday I went to work and one of my co-worker's mom stopped by to visit him. She told him that she heard on the police scanner that they found a dead baby not far from our shop and they also found a woman cut into pieces and stuffed into a trash can. This world is sick and becoming worse every day. Maybe people in larger cities are used to dealing with shit like this, but it just never happened around here until recently.

I'm going to stop now. I'm just irritated severely today. Maybe I'll hit the weight bench and see if I can work out my frustrations.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Stories From The Pizza Man

I've worked off and on for a total of about 6 years as a pizza delivery guy. In that time I have seen some very strange things and interacted with some even stranger people, mostly in the late ours of the night. Here are a few of those encounters .....

One evening in early October of 2006 our area got slammed with a nasty wave of thunder storms. The power had been knocked out to most of the city. Unfortunately, our store happened to be situated in a neighborhood that still had power, so we were still open for business. I get dispatched to take a delivery up on Eastman street. I get there and it's raining like hell and pitch black. I get out of my car roughly were I think the house I'm looking for is, get my flashlight out and start to walk across the street. I hear "Hey buddy". I look around a bit and don't see anyone. So I walk further out into the street and hear "Over here dude." I turn to my right and shine my flashlight over that direction to see a guy in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts and he has some how been plastic wrapped to a telephone pole. I had no fricken clue what had happened to this guy, but I couldn't just leave him there. I got on my cell phone and called the city police. They got a nice chuckle out of it when they arrived and saw this guy.

Just three blocks up the road from our store is a run of shitty bars and tattoo shops. I was driving in this direction on a delivery one night around 11:30 when two kids come running out into the road and I had to slam on the brakes to avoid hitting them. One of them was carrying what looked like a VCR or a DVD player, the other was carrying a car stereo speaker box. They no more than made it across to the other side of the street when this very obese man came running out of the shadows dressed in what looked like a Halloween costume made to appear as a giant bird of some sort. He had leggings and arm covers on that had feathers and a fake beak pulled over his nose. He was also carrying an aluminum baseball bat which he had raised up in the air as he charged after the kids. If this were not strange enough already, this freak was also wearing about a 10 inch rubber dildo strapped onto his head like an antenna.

We get orders from a nursing home out on the edge of town very frequently. The night shift workers order from us two or three times a week and its usually close to closing time when they call in. One of their employees is this little oriental dude that doesn't speak English very well. The first time he called in to order and I answered the phone, he came off as a real sicko. What he wanted was a foot long grilled chicken sub with extra mayo. what he said when I asked him for his orders was to give him 12 inches of chicken and make sure it had plenty of mayonnaise. I was like "Look you sick bastard, this is a pizza and deli shop, if you want that kind of action then take out a personal add."

One afternoon on an extremely busy Friday a drunk guy comes pulling into our parking lot barely missing a parked car and almost running up onto our patio and taking out a picnic table. He enters the store and orders a small pizza which he pays for with a $100 bill. I start making his food when he leans over the counter and says "Hey buddy, my wife sucks a lot of dicks, but I don't mind I like her anyway." Then he walks over to the picture window in the front of the store and talks to himself for like 15 minutes.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Much Has Happened

I apologize for not responding back to my regular readers. Please understand that I just moved and started a new job. I'm caught up in an investigation at my previous place of employment and I have a new nephew.

So let me catch you up on the details.

First and most importantly, my nephew was born at 10:22 a.m. on Friday September 12th. He weighed in at a small 5 pounds and 9 ounces. However, he is quite healthy and doing just fine. As a matter of fact, I just fed him and he ate like a little piggy.

I started my new job last night at the pizza and deli shop. It was a good evening. I have several friends who work there, so it was a fun time catching up with them.

The investigation at my previous place of employment is under way. Apparently Pooper was up to more than just trying to steal company software. I have learned that he is on unpaid leave until the matter is resolved. I've also learned from some co-workers that the investigation is a mere formality. He's pretty much fired. On Monday afternoon I was called by a representative from the company's security department who interviewed me for about 45 minutes over the phone. My representative from the temp agency was involved in the call to make sure things didn't get out of hand. Yesterday I was contacted and asked to write up a written statement giving my account of the situation and then forward that to both the investigator and my rep from the temp agency. At the end of my statement, I made it very clear that I had cooperated in every was I was asked and as far as I was concerned the matter was closed at my end. I want no more to do with it. I have taken another job, moved to a different city and just want to get on with my life.

On a happier note, my new diet and exercise routine is starting to work. I've lost 5 pounds in the past 8 days. WOOHOOO !!!!! Just 37 more to go and then I will put myself out on the market and try to find a mate.

Ok, I have to go now. I still have not finished unpacking. There is still much to do.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

More Fallout From The Pooper Incident

I'm checking my e-mail today and notice I have an e-mail from my representative at the temporary agency. He informs me that the company I just left is doing an internal investigation on Pooper concerning the stolen software incident and a few other things. The HR manager wants to have a phone conference with me and ask questions regarding the situation. He also stresses that the company has no interest in pursuing me in the matter and they only want to talk to me to gather information for their internal investigation. He also tells me that I can talk to them and give them information, but I am not obligated in any way to have any further contact with them.

Not sure what to do. I don't have anything to hide from them, but at the same time I'd just like to put it behind me and get on with my life. I had no idea it would blow up into this big melodramatic event.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

What A F*ck*ng Day

First of all, sorry for not posting lately. It has been a very busy time for me. My brother got married over the past weekend and the ceremony went very well. My sister is in the hospital as I'm typing this because they are going to make her go into labor tomorrow morning. Hopefully I will have a new nephew soon.

Now, to the real story .....

As you may know, tomorrow (Friday the 12th) was supposed to be my last day in the temp office job. Well, it got real strange this afternoon and I had to make today my last day. Let me fill you in on the details.

The day started off pretty shitty. I over slept and was running late. While I was in the shower, one of the two dogs shit all over the floor and I had to spend twenty minutes cleaning that mess up. I get about half way to work when my low fuel light kicks on. I stop at the nearest gas station to fuel up. I stand there for what seems like an eternity waiting for the clerk to turn the pump on, but it never comes on. I see people all around me pull up, pump gas and then go inside to pay but my pump never gets turned on. This really pisses me off since I'm running late any way, so I get back in the car and drive down the road to the next station. When I get there and get out to fuel up, I notice a big sign that says "please pre-pay". Well, how the hell am I supposed to pre-pay when I don't know how much it's going to cost me to fill up? I calm myself and go inside to pay for $40 worth. After standing in line for 18 minutes, I pay and then get my precious dinosaur juice.

At this point I'm driving like a bat out of hell to get to work. I get there and only 6 minutes late to my surprise. I settle in for the morning to find nothing at all to do. In fact, I spent the first 3 hours of the day listening to audio books and surfing the Internet. Then, the guys in my group take me to lunch seeing as how I'm a short timer. Lunch goes well and then we come back to the office. After lunch Pooper (see previous posts for back story on Pooper) engages in a conversation with me regarding software we use to do our jobs. Drafting software to be specific. He comments on how he has upgraded to the latest version for his at home work. I comment that it would be nice if I had the latest version for my home computer, but I have a very old version (the 2000 rev) and I cannot afford the newest package. He then asks if I would like not a brand new copy, but a newer copy than I already had. I said yes thinking maybe he would be good enough to sell me his older version considering he just upgraded to the latest and greatest. He then said he would "hook me up".

Around two o'clock he asked my to come with him to the mail room for a minute. After we enter the mail room, he waits for the other employees in the room to leave and then removes three CD's from a manila folder he is carrying and then places them in a large brown envelope which he then hands to me. He said that was the software I wanted. I return to my desk and have a look into the envelope. What he had given me was three copies of the 2004 version of the software in question.

After I sat there and thought about it for a few minutes I began to ask myself some questions. Why three copies? How did he get them so fast? And the more important question, where did he get them so fast?

Knowing Pooper's attitude, mannerisms and his motivations from past scrapes I had with him, I got real nervous. I made the only move I felt was a safe one at the point in time. I asked the two department managers to chat with me in the conference room. I layed out the story for them and they naturally wondered where the software came from so quickly. So I went back to my desk, looked at the serial numbers on the cd cases and e-mailed the numbers to the two bosses.

To make an already long story short, they ran the numbers I gave them through our I.T. department and come to find that the software belonged to the company. So Pooper was trying to give me stolen property. If I would have tried leaving with the disks and got caught, I could have been busted from grand-theft, or receiving stolen property at the least.

They pull Pooper aside, confront him about the situation and have a brief chat. A few minutes later they escort him back to his desk. He blurts out a few obscenities at me, gathers his things, turns over his i.d. card to the boss and leaves.

I'm not sure if he got fired, or just suspended. Don't know and don't care. He's an asshole and always trying to work an angle on someone.

Anyway, the bosses talk to me, think maybe for security reasons it's a good idea for me to call it quits today. I gather my shit, say good-bye to a few friends and leave.

Then, on my way home I get like 9 text messages from Pooper and at least 15 calls. It got so bad that I had to call my cell phone provider and have my fucking number changed.

Just a totally fucked up day. But, at least I'm done with that office and can move on.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


Since I haven't blogged in a few days, let me give everyone an update.

My cushy office job is over as of the 12th of September. However, I already have another job lined up that I will start on the 15th.

I bought a truck Monday and got it half way home when the transmission went out of it, so now I have to find someone reasonable to repair it for me. Probably won't be cheap.

My sister is due to have her baby anytime now. She just went on maternity leave.

My brother's wedding is Saturday and I'm so not prepared for it.

I've been exercising and watching my calories and am still gaining both weight and body fat percentage. Weird.

Can't think of any other interesting info to share as of now.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Random Thoughts

Well, after my big weekend I'm 4 days sober. YIPPEE !!! I don't think I'll do cart wheels until I'm back to like 400 days sober again.

Rainy as hell here today. Cold, breezy and kind of depressing. Oh, well maybe tomorrow will be better.

If anyone of my regular readers would like to chat with me, my e-mail is and my yahoo name is the_pizza_killer . Not because I'm a serial killer, it's because I used to work in a pizza shop and read true crime novels all the time and all of my co-workers thought I was a serial killer. I'm actually pretty normal.

Tomorrow is the last day of the work week for me. I'll get a nice 4 day weekend to help my sister and brother-in-law remodel the nursery for the little munchkin who will be here soon.

I've thought quite often of exploring the use of supplements to help treat my illness. Does anyone know of any legal supplements that actually work?

God I'm so bored right now. Need to sleep for the early work day tomorrow, but can't seem to get there.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

What if?

What if personal ads were just like used car ads?

I thought about this today and tried writing my own ad.

1977 model mid-sized sedan. White, brown top. Low mileage for age. Original equipment, no aftermarket add-ons. Dependable, comfortable ride, little road noise. A few blemishes, but well maintained over all. Recently tuned. A real bargain. Free or best offer.

Monday, August 25, 2008

What A Weekend....

This past Saturday was my brother's bachelor party. We spent several hours in strip clubs paying $4 a bottle for beers and slipping dollar bills into g-strings. It was fun, but very expensive. I spent like $500. It was one of those nights where I think i remember going back to the hotel, but I can't be too sure.

Then I get home yesterday afternoon and get a call from my old boss. He has been promoted to district sales manager and wants to know if I want to come back and take a management job. So, it appears that my worries of getting let ago at my current temp job are not so big a deal now.

This does mean that I will once again have to pack up all my belongings and move half way across the state again. It will be a chore, but I think I can handle it.

I can't think of anything else to type right now. Will post again later.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

An Interesting Question

I'm sure by now everyone has been exposed to some information regarding December 21st, 2012. If not, the basics of it is that on that date according to the Mayans and a few other cultures, civilization as we know it will come to an end. What does that mean? Who knows really. Many people believe that, due to the earth's alignment with the sun on that particular date, we could under go a reversal of the poles causing a major world wide catastrophe.

Regardless of who's prophecy it is or if anything really happens, it brings forth an interesting question. If you knew for a fact that the whole thing was going to come to a screeching halt on a certain day, what would you do with what time you have left?

Let's say for sake of the conversation that there was compelling scientific evidence that the world would end on December 21, 2012. What would you do with the 4 years and a couple of months you have left?

Run up your credit to the max and live like you never lived before?

Forget about the diet and indulge as often as possible?

Have sex with as many random people as you possibly could?

Or, considering you wouldn't be in jail for very long or at all, would you do something more sinister?

Think about it for a bit. You can learn some interesting things about yourself.

And if you would like some more information on the 2012 prophecy, just do a google search on it. There are many sites out there with info.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Random Thoughts Before Bed

Well, it's late on a Sunday night. I can't get to sleep, but I'll have to force myself. I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. Business is in the crapper and I just know I'll be let go soon. On one hand it will be nice when I get cut loose because I won't have to deal with the office politics and all the other bullshit. On the other hand the income is really nice. Unemployment benefits will pay the bills, but that's about all they will do. No more extra cash to fund my liesure time ventures.

I'm on my 11th year of my obsessive quest to get down to a normal weight. I have managed to take of 50 pounds over the years. Doctor says that I need to be in the 210 area to be safe for my height and frame. Still have 40 pounds to go. Today I ordered yet another diet supplement to aid me in what I call "operation thin man". I have tried pretty much everything out there from slim fast to hoodia to alli. I have had limited succes with a few, but most were a total waste. The new one is a fatty acid compound called CLA. Apparently it is supposed to help your body stop storing fat and then it cranks up your metabolizm to burn off your stored fat. I did a lot of research on it and apparently there is scientific evidence conducted by real doctors to support claims that it reduces body fat. So, lets hope this one works. I'd like to give myself a nice christmas present this year by being down to my target weight.

My sister and her husband are expecting their first child in mid september. Also, my brother is getting married the first weekend in september. This got me to thinking that I really need to get my life in order. Thinking about it this afternoon, I realized that I feal very much alone. I don't really have anyone or anything to call my own. It makes me feal very empty. I've essentially pissed away 31 years.

Well, I need sleep. Guess I'll end my ant now and crawl into bed, although I'll probably just stare at the cieling for hours.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Krispie & Whorie Ride Again

Work has been a nightmare. One day I will have nothing to do. I'll spend like an hour doing real work, and then 7 hours listening to audio books and playing solitaire. Then the next day I'll be so busy I can't think straight. On top of all of this, we are in the midst of loosing a big dollar account through many little blunders that have combined to make everything a real mess.

With all of the chaos going on I still have to deal with Krispie and Whorie's bullshit. I don't mind so much their gossip or smart assed remarks about me anymore. I've come to learn that they are two of the most disliked people in the office. What does bother me is Krispie's non-stop talking that resonates through the building so loudly that I do believe people clear down on the bottom floor can hear her.

Then there is still Whorie's obnoxious laugh. I thought about that sound. The noise she means to be a laugh. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how disgusting it was. I've never seen one of those perverted porno videos involving chickens, but I bet her laugh is what one sounds like. It's hideous and she blurts it out every few minutes so damn loud that it just disrupts everything.

Maybe I will replace my existing headphones with a pair of those high dollar noise canceling headphones. Or maybe I'll just gouge my eardrums out with an ice-pick.

Monday, August 4, 2008

More Crap At Work

Last Thursday morning I come back into the office from my usual smoke break. My supervisor tells me he would like to chat in private. I figure it's going to be the "sorry, we have to let you go now" speech. Boy was I wrong.

We have an engineer working in our department who has many years of experience in the engineering field, just not in our particular industry. He is also very egocentric and will not listen to anyone. Other co-workers have tried helping him along, however he will not take their advice. Over the past several months he has managed to piss off damn near everyone he has worked with either with his shitty attitude or his incompetence. It had finally gotten to a point where our boss was getting yelled at by other department managers.

Anyway, we sit down in this little conference room and he asks me to tell him the truth on what this engineer is doing and how he has been acting. I give him the straight up truth and tell him how he is screwing up jobs and angering pretty much everyone he comes in contact with. My boss thanks me for the information and then over the next couple of hours proceeds to have similar conversation with the other five members of the engineering group. He comes to find out from the others that my story is 100% accurate.

After lunch he calls this engineer, we will call him Pooper for the sake of this discussion, into the conference room and gives him a real ass ripping. Pooper comes back to his desk looking like he just got drug behind a truck for several miles across rough terrain. He doesn't speak to anyone the rest of the day.

Friday rolls around. Pooper still has an attitude. He will talk to everyone in the group except me. The only time he speaks with me is if it concerns work and it is absolutely necessary. After he leaves for the day, I come to find out that he seems to think that I went to the boss complaining about him in order to get him fired so I can be brought on full time. This of course is total bullshit. The boss came to me in the first place, and I didn't tell him anything he either didn't already know or at least suspect.

So, I come in today and not only does Pooper start talking to me again, he is really nice. So nice it's almost sickening. At one point in time he pulls his wallet out of his pocket and offers to give me lunch money if I'm short on cash.

I'm not really sure how to take this. I'm a bit apprehensive to trust him. I think maybe he has something up his sleeve.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Bad Mood

You know what really pisses me off?

When someone gives you a big blast of shit about something, you know, one of those 30 minute long sermons about how you did something that may end civilization as we know. Then you feel bad and try to apologize. Then the wang giving you greif says somethiong like....

"Oh, don't worry about it. It's not that big of a deal."

IF IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EVER MENTION IT? Let alone the long winded pissing and moaning session. What are you just not happy unless you are bitching about something? Did you not get that red wagon you wanted for your 8th birthday and now you've decided to take revenge on everyone around you for the rest of your useless life?

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Krispie & Whorie

As if work were not stressful enough with the prospects of being layed off soon and the fact that I need to stay focused and prove myself even more, I have a couple of co-workers who don't seem to like me much. They set around all day gossiping about me along with whispering to each other every time I walk by. They think I can't hear them, but the cubical walls are pretty thin. I hear every nasty thing they say about me.

Let me give you some back story so you can get the full picture.

If you have read my previous posts, you will know I have been combating several personal problems since my late teen years. Well, one of my problems is being nervous. Especially around people I don't know. This little problem comes from a hot June evening when I was 19 years old. I was working the late shift at a pizza shop as a delivery guy. I took a delivery to a not so nice part of town. When I arrived in the parking lot at this apartment building, I turned towards my passenger seat and tilted up the pizza box to double check the address. I then put the pizza back in the warming pouch and turned around to my left to the driver's door. As I did I felt the barrel of a gun push up against my temple. Then a not so friendly voice tells me in not so friendly words to hand over the money or I was going to die. Now, when you see something like this on television it doesn't really seem like much to you, but when some puts a 44 magnum close enough to your head that you can glance over and see the ends of the bullets in the cylinder and then they inform you that you are going to have your brains blown out for $27.39, it gives you a whole new perspective on people and trust.

This has relevance to the story in that at work all of us set in cubicles with low walls on them. Out of nervous habit, every time someone passes by my cube and I catch them in my peripheral vision, I have to look directly at them and see who it is. It's just an involuntary reaction that I don't realize I'm doing sometimes. This situation coupled with the fact that I am a quiet person at work I guess makes me out to be some sort of weirdo to some people.

Well, two of my co-workers, who we will call Krispie and Whorie for the sake of this conversation, some how think that since I look up to see who is passing by me that that makes me a pedophile or some twisted serial killing stalker or something to that effect.

So now these two women, and I use that term loosely, have made me the object of their childish gossip; making nasty comments about me on a regular basis. Some of which are very nasty and completely outlandish. The kind of things that could start rumors and get some one's otherwise good reputation tarnished severely.

Krispie is a late 20's or early 30's person who runs her mouth constantly. You cannot get her to shut up. The vast majority of what she says has nothing at all to do with work. She is extremely opinionated and very self absorbed. She acts like she is cranked up on cocaine most of the time. And of course, she is a gossip hound and a drama queen. This woman is so obnoxious that pretty much everyone in the work areas surrounding the administration area listen to headphones most of the day in a vain attempt in drowning her out.

Whorie is mid 40's to early 50's as an educated guess. She is the type that cannot seem to accept the fact that she is aging. She tries very hard to dress like a teenager, she wears here hair cut very short and died in very loud colors. And like Krispie, she is loud, opinionated, self absorbed and very rude. Also, she has the most annoying laugh. Try to imagine, if you can, what a barn owl would sound like if it were having a seizure in the midst of a full blown meth bender. That's what she sounds like. And she makes this disgusting sound loud enough to do structural damage to the building.

So, these two are the best of buddies. Whorie admiring Krispie for reminding her of what a bitch she was at her age and Krispie admiring Whorie for what a worthless cunt she could be in the future.

Now that I seem to be their favorite target, I get to put up with their snide comments, snickers as I pass by and get to be the spotlight of the office rumor mill.

You know what? I need this job but I'm about ready to have words with them whether I loose my job or not.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Work ....... Sort Of

I have been working for a Fortune 100 company in the Cleveland, Ohio area for the past six months through a temporary agency. I have worked hard to prove myself and finally was acknowledged by my supervisor as an outstanding employee. He kept promising me that I would be a permanent employee soon with a nice raise in pay and all the fringe benefits.

Well, today he informs me that the company has lost money the last two quarters and future business forecast isn't looking good. I may have a job until August or September at the latest.

This sucks more than a warehouse full of industrial strength vacuum cleaners. Just when I was finally on my own two feet again with things looking up, the rug is getting pulled out from under me. I can see it now, by fall I will be living off of unemployment benefits, renting a room off of my parents again, feeling like a maggot, and if I don't keep strong .......... back in the bottle.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Bipolar And No Meds

When I began college in my 18th year on this earth, I began to have a few problems. I was going to school full time during the day and then working all night to pay for my education. After two semesters of this gruelling torture, I began to have trouble sleeping. After a while I began having trouble controlling my moods. I was especially depressed, irritable and bitter. Soon I was encouraged by my parents to see a doctor. This is where the roller coaster began.

Over the next several years I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, sleep apnea, bipolar disorder, anti-social personalty disorder and a bunch of other things along with that. I've tried basically every anti-depressant and mood stabilizers out there and they did not change a thing. Some of them actually made me worse. But still the doctors persisted I had a severe mood disorder, bi-polar level 2 is what the majority of them said.

After a long battle with doctors, sleep deprivation, different meds and myself ........ I accidentally discovered that alcohol cured it all. I was in a good mood, I didn't worry all the time and most importantly I slept like a baby. So, there it was beer was my salvation.

However, over time this self medicating back fired. I got to the point of drinking a case every day. I was blacking out and not remembering things I had done and it was starting to affect my work too. I realized this was a problem, but addiction is a tough battle to beat. It was not until recently that i have managed to control my alcoholism and get my life back to center.

Now, it's a good thing that I kicked the alcohol problem, but it's not good that my crutch that helped me through the mood problems is gone. I find myself drifting back into the same state of mind I was in before the alcohol induced daze. I am having trouble sleeping again, my mood swings are slowly coming back and my worrying is getting worse by the day. Still, I am hesitant on going back on the meds as they did not have any positive affects before.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Back to Blogging

I've been out of blogging for a couple of years now. At one time I had a site, through a different service than blogger, that I updated on a daily basis and had quite a following of regular readers. I'm hoping to get back to that now.

Many things have changed from back then until now. I got a new job so I can actually afford internet access. I've moved half way across the state. My depression and self loathing having almost completely gone away and I have a whole new outlook on life.

Anyway, Check back often as I will be updating daily and added some links to other blogs I find of interest and sites that just plainly have kool stuff.