Random Thoughts Before Bed

Well, it's late on a Sunday night. I can't get to sleep, but I'll have to force myself. I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. Business is in the crapper and I just know I'll be let go soon. On one hand it will be nice when I get cut loose because I won't have to deal with the office politics and all the other bullshit. On the other hand the income is really nice. Unemployment benefits will pay the bills, but that's about all they will do. No more extra cash to fund my liesure time ventures.

I'm on my 11th year of my obsessive quest to get down to a normal weight. I have managed to take of 50 pounds over the years. Doctor says that I need to be in the 210 area to be safe for my height and frame. Still have 40 pounds to go. Today I ordered yet another diet supplement to aid me in what I call "operation thin man". I have tried pretty much everything out there from slim fast to hoodia to alli. I have had limited succes with a few, but most were a total waste. The new one is a fatty acid compound called CLA. Apparently it is supposed to help your body stop storing fat and then it cranks up your metabolizm to burn off your stored fat. I did a lot of research on it and apparently there is scientific evidence conducted by real doctors to support claims that it reduces body fat. So, lets hope this one works. I'd like to give myself a nice christmas present this year by being down to my target weight.

My sister and her husband are expecting their first child in mid september. Also, my brother is getting married the first weekend in september. This got me to thinking that I really need to get my life in order. Thinking about it this afternoon, I realized that I feal very much alone. I don't really have anyone or anything to call my own. It makes me feal very empty. I've essentially pissed away 31 years.

Well, I need sleep. Guess I'll end my ant now and crawl into bed, although I'll probably just stare at the cieling for hours.

More Crap At Work

Last Thursday morning I come back into the office from my usual smoke break. My supervisor tells me he would like to chat in private. I figure it's going to be the "sorry, we have to let you go now" speech. Boy was I wrong.

We have an engineer working in our department who has many years of experience in the engineering field, just not in our particular industry. He is also very egocentric and will not listen to anyone. Other co-workers have tried helping him along, however he will not take their advice. Over the past several months he has managed to piss off damn near everyone he has worked with either with his shitty attitude or his incompetence. It had finally gotten to a point where our boss was getting yelled at by other department managers.

Anyway, we sit down in this little conference room and he asks me to tell him the truth on what this engineer is doing and how he has been acting. I give him the straight up truth and tell him how he is screwing up jobs and angering pretty much everyone he comes in contact with. My boss thanks me for the information and then over the next couple of hours proceeds to have similar conversation with the other five members of the engineering group. He comes to find out from the others that my story is 100% accurate.

After lunch he calls this engineer, we will call him Pooper for the sake of this discussion, into the conference room and gives him a real ass ripping. Pooper comes back to his desk looking like he just got drug behind a truck for several miles across rough terrain. He doesn't speak to anyone the rest of the day.

Friday rolls around. Pooper still has an attitude. He will talk to everyone in the group except me. The only time he speaks with me is if it concerns work and it is absolutely necessary. After he leaves for the day, I come to find out that he seems to think that I went to the boss complaining about him in order to get him fired so I can be brought on full time. This of course is total bullshit. The boss came to me in the first place, and I didn't tell him anything he either didn't already know or at least suspect.

So, I come in today and not only does Pooper start talking to me again, he is really nice. So nice it's almost sickening. At one point in time he pulls his wallet out of his pocket and offers to give me lunch money if I'm short on cash.

I'm not really sure how to take this. I'm a bit apprehensive to trust him. I think maybe he has something up his sleeve.

Bad Mood

You know what really pisses me off?

When someone gives you a big blast of shit about something, you know, one of those 30 minute long sermons about how you did something that may end civilization as we know. Then you feel bad and try to apologize. Then the wang giving you greif says somethiong like....

"Oh, don't worry about it. It's not that big of a deal."

IF IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EVER MENTION IT? Let alone the long winded pissing and moaning session. What are you just not happy unless you are bitching about something? Did you not get that red wagon you wanted for your 8th birthday and now you've decided to take revenge on everyone around you for the rest of your useless life?

Work ....... Sort Of

I have been working for a Fortune 100 company in the Cleveland, Ohio area for the past six months through a temporary agency. I have worked hard to prove myself and finally was acknowledged by my supervisor as an outstanding employee. He kept promising me that I would be a permanent employee soon with a nice raise in pay and all the fringe benefits.

Well, today he informs me that the company has lost money the last two quarters and future business forecast isn't looking good. I may have a job until August or September at the latest.

This sucks more than a warehouse full of industrial strength vacuum cleaners. Just when I was finally on my own two feet again with things looking up, the rug is getting pulled out from under me. I can see it now, by fall I will be living off of unemployment benefits, renting a room off of my parents again, feeling like a maggot, and if I don't keep strong .......... back in the bottle.