You know what really pisses me off?
When someone gives you a big blast of shit about something, you know, one of those 30 minute long sermons about how you did something that may end civilization as we know. Then you feel bad and try to apologize. Then the wang giving you greif says somethiong like....
"Oh, don't worry about it. It's not that big of a deal."
IF IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EVER MENTION IT? Let alone the long winded pissing and moaning session. What are you just not happy unless you are bitching about something? Did you not get that red wagon you wanted for your 8th birthday and now you've decided to take revenge on everyone around you for the rest of your useless life?
Showing posts with label mood disorders. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mood disorders. Show all posts
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
Bipolar And No Meds
When I began college in my 18th year on this earth, I began to have a few problems. I was going to school full time during the day and then working all night to pay for my education. After two semesters of this gruelling torture, I began to have trouble sleeping. After a while I began having trouble controlling my moods. I was especially depressed, irritable and bitter. Soon I was encouraged by my parents to see a doctor. This is where the roller coaster began.
Over the next several years I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, sleep apnea, bipolar disorder, anti-social personalty disorder and a bunch of other things along with that. I've tried basically every anti-depressant and mood stabilizers out there and they did not change a thing. Some of them actually made me worse. But still the doctors persisted I had a severe mood disorder, bi-polar level 2 is what the majority of them said.
After a long battle with doctors, sleep deprivation, different meds and myself ........ I accidentally discovered that alcohol cured it all. I was in a good mood, I didn't worry all the time and most importantly I slept like a baby. So, there it was beer was my salvation.
However, over time this self medicating back fired. I got to the point of drinking a case every day. I was blacking out and not remembering things I had done and it was starting to affect my work too. I realized this was a problem, but addiction is a tough battle to beat. It was not until recently that i have managed to control my alcoholism and get my life back to center.
Now, it's a good thing that I kicked the alcohol problem, but it's not good that my crutch that helped me through the mood problems is gone. I find myself drifting back into the same state of mind I was in before the alcohol induced daze. I am having trouble sleeping again, my mood swings are slowly coming back and my worrying is getting worse by the day. Still, I am hesitant on going back on the meds as they did not have any positive affects before.
Over the next several years I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, sleep apnea, bipolar disorder, anti-social personalty disorder and a bunch of other things along with that. I've tried basically every anti-depressant and mood stabilizers out there and they did not change a thing. Some of them actually made me worse. But still the doctors persisted I had a severe mood disorder, bi-polar level 2 is what the majority of them said.
After a long battle with doctors, sleep deprivation, different meds and myself ........ I accidentally discovered that alcohol cured it all. I was in a good mood, I didn't worry all the time and most importantly I slept like a baby. So, there it was beer was my salvation.
However, over time this self medicating back fired. I got to the point of drinking a case every day. I was blacking out and not remembering things I had done and it was starting to affect my work too. I realized this was a problem, but addiction is a tough battle to beat. It was not until recently that i have managed to control my alcoholism and get my life back to center.
Now, it's a good thing that I kicked the alcohol problem, but it's not good that my crutch that helped me through the mood problems is gone. I find myself drifting back into the same state of mind I was in before the alcohol induced daze. I am having trouble sleeping again, my mood swings are slowly coming back and my worrying is getting worse by the day. Still, I am hesitant on going back on the meds as they did not have any positive affects before.
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